So... lessee. Since I've posted last, there've been a bunch of things go on. Sarah Bettens concert -which was awesome, lemme tell you. There'll be a big ol' concert post soon. (yes, right after the big ol' post about Jamaica I was gonna make 4 months ago. Not having internet at the apartment pretty well sucks. that changes soon.)

I had a freaking kidney stone the other day. NOT FUN. Drink enough water, everybody. It will make your life easier. Seriously.

Work's kickin' butt, so that's good. Looks like it might rain here later, and that will be good.

There are cattails on the stock tank (for all you outside-of-Texas people, a man-made pond) at the farm. These cattails have apparently served one good purpose-- There are a RIDICULOUS NUMBER of birds. Ducks and all kinds of other random birds... it was pretty neat to watch. And ducks are freaking fast. I don't guess I realized that... or maybe I didn't realize how fast they were going, since I haven't seen many of them just tear off of water. Maybe they fly slower when they're at cruising altitude.

More later, when I get some time to post longer stuff. This weekend was mostly spent trying to get to feeling better, but everything's great again now... woo!

at this particular moment I want to be anywhere but here. I'd love to be at the farm lying in the top pasture looking at the sky, like I did a while back. I laid in the grass and it was so comfortable to just relax up there that I almost fell asleep. Holy crap. That was a a YEAR AND A HALF ago..

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Music is not helping today. Not in the least. the seemingly random selection of music I have on this laptop ends up with lyrics that I don't particularly enjoy, the last few songs.

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Mmf. Not good. I like having things to occupy my unused brain cycles, sometimes. Not today, though.

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This song, I like. I'm not sure why this one always makes me smile, for some reason. It's pitched funny, and that's not normally somethign that works for me. Neutral Milk Hotel, it sorta works for.

I am seriously looking forward to going to the farm in the dark and looking at the stars. I can see, like, FIVE STARS from my apartment. FIVE. Can't see the Big Dipper, can't see Orion. Those are the ones I really identify with as "being able to see the stars", since I could stand in the driveway at home, in town, and see them, all my life.

The farm is DARK, when there's no moon. There've been times I was out there with someone and we shut the car doors and couldn't see shit.
(when there's a little light, though, it's easy to see shit. the cow pies are a different color than the ground... *grin*)
It's SCARY when it's overcast and dark, because there's no light. At all; except for a little bit from the water plant next door. All that does is show you how dark it is in the rest of the pasture, usually.... But it can be amazing when the stars show, or when there's a full moon. AMAZING.

I get like this, sometimes. Where I completely DON'T WANT THE BIG CITY for a little while. In Houston, the first time, the agitation was... constant. I had things holding me back and my apartment sucked. In Louisiana... The traffic in Baton Rouge made it feel like a MADHOUSE. The guy responsible for that shithole-of-a-traffic-system should be beaten. Repeatedly. Baton Rouge reduced me to an apoplectic "GAAHHH I HATE THIS PLACE" outburst every few days.

But Houston this time doesn't bother me. I have friends and family, and I randomly run into people-i-know so often it astounds people. I just totally forget that the stars are there. When mothoc and I were going to see asteres in San Antonio, it occurred to me.

This place isn't "home". I live here, and I enjoy the tar out of it. But I'm not as comfortable here as I will be. This town has always seemed like an end-destination, since... a long time ago. I knew that when I got to be an engineer, I'd have to come to Houston. But it's weird to think that for some, this is all they've ever known. Strange, to me.

The line that just came on the music (Vienna Teng - My Medea) is
" for you, I'd burn the length and breadth of sky...."

and that goes with the next thing--
The height of the sky has a limit here in Houston. There's an inner edge to the dome of light pollution. And you can see it. you can see the top of the light, you can see--on cloudy nights-- when it curves into the earth. Out there, in the country, there's... nothing. Except stars. And that... THAT is what I miss.

And I'm going home, to where that is, in... 7 hours. Ahhh.

89. Hike to the creek at the farm. (11/12/05) Hiked to the creek at our farm and collected some massive acorns from the oak trees down there. The acorns are something like two inches wide. *bonk* Weirdly huge, and the caps are fuzzy. I saw a hawk feather down there, too. Hiking in the rocks was fun.

my "101 things in 1001 days" list

went to the farm today with my dad. I like it out there... The top pasture just makes me want to sit and look at... nothing in particular. The bottom of the hill on the far side makes me want to dig out all the goddamn cactus. stupid cactus.

Next time I'm home we're probably going to the creek, or going to dig some cactus up, or maybe both. heh. stupid cactus, all pointy and shit. (there's actually cactus growing on top of the ashes from the last time we burnt a bunch of them up... they're tough little bastards, those prickly pear.)

And i passed-ass-OUT in the recliner today. nice to have good comfy furniture, here.

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and tomorrow I think i'm gonna take a picture of me with my goatee, still. Since it'll likely disappear in the near future. *sniff* And I can't type for shit tonight. So i'm gonna call this one.

there are times in my life that I absolutely despise waiting. waiting on ANYTHING. and this i think is one of them. patience, patience, I know. I want to find something that is a catalyst. for what, I'm not sure. I feel like I am drifting, yet I have things to do, stuff to occupy my time is easy to find. I want to hit that one big step that takes some effort to surmount. I want to... do something useful once. I've been in 'school mode' so long that I have no idea what comes next, and I'm not sure that the completion of school will be what I am looking for, either.

Bonfire begins again in about a week and a half. that will give me something with which I can occupy my time. I like that. physical exertion is my thing. No money in it, but I enjoy it. there is a reason that my dad and I dug cactus at our farm on weekends. (well, partially it was to get rid of the cactus, but...) my dad enjoys the same type of thing. He's a banker, but he spends time "off" at the farm (not lately, but lots in the past) cleaning up trees and digging cactus. I liek that stuff, too. It's great to be able to look at a stand of trees and the pile of shit-brush you just cleared out of it, and see quantitatively what you did. I enjoy the feeling that comes from your body telling you you just worked like a madman. That's cool too.

And you sleep like the dead. best sleep of your life, if you work enough in the sun to drink 3 gallons of water. *smile* I really miss that, too. I really do. but i get that back in a week and a half.

hehehe. maybe I really am a redneck. </understatement>

I'm very bored. there is very little to do in this town, when you have no significant other. That is all I'm gonna say on that in this entry.

Didn't do much of anything today. have a doctor's appointment tomorrow morning. For someone who is actually pretty healthy i've been going to the doctor a lot, lately. Eh. Tune-ups, basically. (and removal of that forehead-sucking alien, but i got used to him after a while, hah. he didn't eat much, at least)

i think i'll drive out to the farm and go hang out for a little while in the dark.

I like it out there. still surprises me the number of my friends who've never gone and seen a meteor shower, or walked around by starlight. Everyone shoudl be soemwhere that is so dark is scares the bejeezus out of them every so often.

"If it's lighter or darker than the ground, don't step on it."--Instructions on how to avoid cow patties, given at one point by me.

the list for the weekend was this:

1. go see granddad's spot.
2. go to farm. yay, country land.you go to hell, big city.
3. go pick my mom up from the airport - they get back from Germany on Saturday
4. call AW and see about movie/dinner idea.*grin* *fc*
5. go shoot. (guns) *BLAM*
6. go shoot off fireworks. see farm comment.*bang*
7? hmm. test out new stereo, by busting ass down I-35 with windows down. yay, no mosquitoes or traffic. mwa haha....... *ZOOM*

1: went out there, had to kinda look for it, since i didn't remember exactly where it was. looking around cemeteries is kinda interesting, and humbling, and sad all at once. really glad i found Granddad's spot. strange how final that is, somehow. I guess it has to be, though.

2: made it to the farm this time. I love it out there. our lil' project we did a while ack to keep the water from running out in the pasture works like a champ. we're SO having a camout out there when it cools off. the tank(yes, tank, not pond; we dug it.) is full, and looks great, the goats are kicking ass and clearing brush, the cows are, well, cows. moo. and the space is really nice to have. the cactus and lil' cedars are kinda getting up again. *CHOP*hack*digdigdig* later, when we have time. I love it out there. I so need a job that isn't a Houston-type job.

3: went and got my mom from the airport. yay... she was tired. 10-and-a-half hour flights do that to you, tho. glad she's back.

4: no luck. hmm. also kinda didn't try very hard there, so we'll see when school gets back in. this one may be doomed by no fault of anyone, tho.

5: no shooting. eh.

6. went and saw fireworks, sitting in traffic over on northside. people i was with maintained that the fireworks didn't start til later, and they were almost over by the time we got there. rrggh.

7: testing out stereo was nice. whoop.

all in all, gooood weekend. aaahhh....much better now.