(that first row of logs that you can see near the ground? those are 9 to 10 foot logs, to give you an idea of the scale.)

Bonfire was unbelievable. Lit at (approximately) 8:06. (8:06= 20:06, military time, it's 2006's senior year, whoop, all that.) Stack hung completely together until 10:15, and Centerpole was still standing at 1AM when we had to leave. it was SO HOT. Yes, it's a fire. Yes, it's supposed to be hot. But wow. The vortex of heat kept all the smoke away, it was really cool. There were dust devils being created by the vortex that spun off the stack every so often. Walking around Stack was great. I love that when you walk around it, the temperature differential is so great that the side-of-your-head-near-the-fire is sweating, and the other side is cold. trying to stay in step with your buddies when you walk, trying not to get burned by the flying embers, and listening to stories. Just laid there on the ground with my head on my pot and watched the fire for a long time. Watching the support plates glow orange, watching the super-set cables glow, and float in the updraft from the fire. The flames are so hot they're white. There were embers that would float out of the fire and explode like little fireworks. Every time a big log would topple the shower of sparks was beautiful. And you're SO PROUD of the damn thing. It's like "attaboy, you big bastard, BURN!" It's amazing. So many people work on it, for MONTHS. And then we burn it up.

We don't burn it for the fire. We burn it to get it out of the way for next year. Building it is the point. Building it is what builds us. No, I don't like waking up the middle of the night to go work. Until I get out there, and then I want to WORK. And it's that way with everyone. We bitch about the weight, and the poison ivy (NONE THIS YEAR, BADASS), and the cold, and the rain (none of that this year either, whoop), but that shit doesn't matter. it doesn't matter that we act like we hate the other dorms. It doesn't matter. nothing matters but watching the fire and enjoying it when you finally get to see it. Picking up a log that, for all intents and purposes, is way-the-fuck-too-heavy-to-move, but we do it anyway, with the 6-foot-8 fuckers on one end, and my 5-5-stumpy ass on the other... It's just FUN.

This was the best fire I've seen in a long time. I didn't know what it would meant to me in 1998 when I saw that one burn. 2002 meant something entirely different. 2003 and 2004, I helped build, and I loved it. 2005 I missed--fucking Louisiana. And this one-- OH SHIT, AWESOME. You seriously nearly choke up it's so beautiful.

I can't wait until next year. And anyone in the area-- you should come. I promise, if you see it and don't get some-combo-of-excited-and-mildly-scared then we didn't do our job. Tell your friends. Anyone you know can work on it, seriously.

*grin*

Tonight was just... so much. And I just got back to Houston a few minutes ago. I'm about to go pass out for a few hours.

Stack was unbelievably fun.

Chopping a tree in the pitch-ass-darkness is hard. The front wedge is easy, since there's always light from one direction. The damned back wedge, though... we undershot the back wedge by about... five inches. Had to raise the front wedge a long way to get it to fall. (hey, one of the guys in charge wanted to kill a tree. He okayed it. I just like killing trees during Bonfire.

Met a girl named Janet right after I got to Stack site. We hung out and talked for most of the evening, between slamming logs on the stack and all that. Lots of fun. She's very cool. Nothing like being able to chat at 4AM with someone you just met. IHOP was insanely busy, for that early in the morning

Stack was a tremendous amount of fun. I didn't work hard, by any means, but it was great to get to carry some logs and stack. I met a bunch of cool people, and it was a lot of fun. Getting to hang out with all the friends I hardly ever see any more was a lot of fun. Good stuff.

Very glad i went to College station. Now I'm going to sleep. Yes, I've been up better'n 24 hours, now. just about 25. Oh man, I was damn-near seeing nonexistent things on the drive back for a tiny bit. Not even funny. Totally don't want to do that again.

But it was definitely worth the trip.

And I'm totally looking forward to seeing Katie after I wake up at about 2pm.

*holds coffee mug*
IM IN MAH OFFICE, WARMIN MI HANDS

It's cold in here...

---

Gah, i don't feel like doing anything. I have a couple of (actually pretty simple) things to do, and so... I'll be productive in a minute.

I really enjoy talking on the phone. For the second time this week, another good friend i haven't talked to in years randomly said hello and we talked on the phone. I need to just go through my phone and call everyone I haven't talked with in a while. Just for good measure. (I have some seriously ridiculous amount of numbers in my phone-- something more than four hundred. and some of those are three numbers for the same person, but even so. i like reconnecting with people.

brrr. I severely dislike having cold hands. A LOT. And it is cold in this office right now.

---

Tonight will be fun-- I'm likely gonna (shh) leave work a little early to drive to College Station, meet up with Bonfire people, and go stack logs for the evening. And then I'm going to the Polo Fields for the Bonfire Rememberance at 2:42AM. And after that, if I'm not (and that's a big if) totally exhausted, I'm going to drive back to Houston and pass out until the afternoon. Plans with Katie for the afternoon, so that will be fun.

Nothing big going on, really. But it's a good day, and I'm looking forward to working hard tonight at Bonfire. I love me some good physical work with friends. (Me and my stumpy brethren, we will RULE tonight. On our end of the log.)

---

The way Stack works, for those unfamiliar with it--that's most of you, i think-- is this.

everyone gets lined up by shoulder height, "stumps on stumps, trees on trees" (tall fuckers on the foliage end, short fuckers on the stump-end,) and alternates sides of the log.
going by the cadence, basically, you

crouch down, get ready, grab the log, hoist the log to waist level, and then set it on your shoulder. It's a REALLY cool thing to watch the log, as it comes up, bobs, and then STOPS when it hits shoulders. Heavy shit, those logs.

And the "heave" is the fun thing. The log is (duh) affected by gravity as we carry it. And so everyone progressively slouches under the weight. Periodically, someone calls for a heave. The heave's not as much fun as the cadence it's done to. and everyone repeats, during the heave, the "lift and place on your shoulder" part.

one, two, FUCK TU! is the standard. (t.u. is the way A&M refers to University of Texas)

three, four, FUCK THE CORPS! is the heave for those-who-aren't-in-ROTC-at-A&M, as the Corps is the other big organization, and "non-reg" (non-Corps-regiment) Bonfire" used to be a really big thing. Still is, in a way.

but the one i always get a kick out of, the most, is


Sixteen, Seventeen, thought she was 18...


i love Bonfire, and the complete lack of political correctness. Every now and then, PC needs a kick in the nuts.

After that, the log is walked up to the stack, the front end is lowered, planted in the right spot, and someone (many times me and one other guy, as big-short-guys are in low supply) holds the pivot point down as the rest of the log it raised into position, using arms and small logs with y-forks to support it. It gets wired to the stack, and that log is done. repeat. A lot.

hahahaaaa... I love Stack.

And now, the complete inadequacy of my engineering-fluid-mechanics-knowledge rears its ugly head.

Wish me luck.

Also, apparently WD-40 (or, in this case, brake cleaner) will remove polyisobutylene from your hands. (this, of all the things they make here, is one of the safest things to get on you. It's just stickier than anything I've ever seen. (no, seriously)

No, you aren't supposed to clean your hands with WD-40. But I have, a bunch, 'cause it works. It'll take off pine sap, too. (woo, Bonfire knowledge.)

Plans tonight and saturday. Awesome. I'll be in CS (for about ten minutes) on Friday afternoon, going to Stack Site for bonfire. I'mma go pick up some heavy shit, yo. < stack> *hngk* -thud- repeat </stack>

Always lots to do, but I'm just run down enough that it's a touch foggy. No good. I'm gonna try to finish getting better this weekend. I think last night was the first night I haven't gone out to do... something in at least a week, likely more towards two. Worked out a bit, talked on the phone a lot. Yay, low-key night.

Dinner tonight with Adrienne in Conroe. Should be fun. May see if we can't meet someplace closer-- that's a long way for just dinner.

Getting my car worked on tomorrow-- power steering's being wonky. I'll just take a book, I guess. Ought to plug in my ipod and charge it. If they've gotta fk around with the front end, it'll be a while. hmm.

And then dinner and maybe a movie with Katie Saturday afternoon. I wish that would figure out. Might bring that up. (Might not, though) No idea what the plan is for Sunday-- I could go to Bonfire Cut if I felt like it, but two-hundred-plus miles for another tree or two... not really worth it, I think.

I think (if my math is right) that I put nine hundred miles on my car last week. Holy shit. But I can see how that happened. wow.

Not to mention I ought to go to church at some point. I keep making excuses for it-- all my clothes are clean and I'll be here, maybe I'll try to make it this time.

(hmm, Utada Hikaru j-pop on winamp. I have a random-ass collection on this computer.)

Waking up is much easier with the sun coming up at 630-- I think if it was both dark and cold, there's no way I'd make it here on time.

Halloween party in Houston was fun-- Katie and I both enjoyed it a lot. it was a good chance to sit and talk a lot, and just relax. We both needed that.

sangria2, sushi_slave, and all your family-- y'all did a great job on everything. I had no idea what to expect, and it was really cool. Good stuff.

Before the party, Katie and I went for food-- Thai was the plan, but we ended up getting Japanese. And I have NEVER FELT SO DUMB when it came to food. The first thing to come out was a cold dish-- noodle salad of some sort. I think we both thought it was some kind of dipping sauce-- the only thing I could identify readily was the sesame seeds. The waitress came over and told us to go ahead and eat it. It was good. Then there was the dipping sauce for the Chicken Katsu (breaded, fried chicken breast)-- she brought it out with the miso soup. I didn't know what the sauce was-- tried it and the waitress looked at me in that "wow, you're dumber than we thought; wait for the food" sort of way.

It was very good, we just felt kinda...out of place for not even knowing what to do. It's a restaurant. Not supposed to be that complicated...

---

Bonfire was a lot of fun this weekend. My shoulders feel like someone beat me with a stick, my hands are torn up... And I can't wait for stack to start. I'd like to get up to CS for another Cut day, but I don't think that will happen-- stuff going on this weekend.

I have absolutely GOT to get my car worked on, and... I don't know what's planned for this weekend other than that. Likely something with Katie Saturday, and I need to go to church sometime. I really miss that. I just don't ever know where to start in picking a church, and getting to know everyone someplace new is always kind of a daunting task. Never managed to pull that off in College Station.

---

And tonight is going to be... lessee... Pick up Katie, go to dinner, go to the lil' fair out off 290, maaaybe, and we're going to see about a haunted house. (I'm jumpy with haunted houses, but so is she. I feel better to know it's not just me.)

---

It was a good weekend, and the week's shaping up good, too.

I killed three trees today. I love it. And hanging out in CS tonight should be fun. More bonfire tomorrow. WAHAHAHAA (HHH whoop)!

I am distinctly pumped about going to Bonfire cut this weekend. I need some outside-in-the-sun time. And I wanna kill a tree. Yep, they have it coming. stupid trees. (this is a bonfire-time-of-the-year thing, normally I absolutely love oak trees.)

---

The fact that the christmas stuff has been installed and lit up for a week now... what the hell. not even halloween yet. They're TWO AND A HALF MONTHS early.

---

Watched "Dot the I" yesterday. I see what they did, but I was underwhelmed. It wasn't the "oh hey shit WHAT IS SHE DOING" reaction like Memento. It was the "oh, hm, there it is." thing. The subtlety that was in Memento, and that it felt evenly done-- that was good about Memento. I was as confused as Leonard was in Memento. "Dot the I" wasn't... it wasn't that way. You always knew more than the characters, in a way. It felt... too third-person. There's a certain amount of disconnection from the audience that's needed, but... for a movie that talks about the power of film... Nah.

---

It's nice outside. I should-- WAIT, i get to go for a bike ride. SWEET. Yay, going and looking at things.

Okay, looking back the last couple weeks, my journal recently has become a flurry of things with the dating? tag on them and not much else. So, to remedy that, a little... a real entry.

I'm enjoying the shit out of everything right now. Daily stuff's going good, I'm getting to meet up with friends after work on a damn-near-daliy basis, and the weather is outstanding. i'm getting things organized at work. i'm losing weight, and my nails are growing back after breaking my not-biting-my-nails-for-a-year streak. My apartment is clean and organized, and everything is just chugging along pretty well.

I'm going to Bonfire cut this weekend, and I should get to kill me a tree this weekend. The funky little callus I get every year on my (left) base-hand for axe chopping is developing, so i won't get a blister this weekend. Whoop.

And I hope the weather holds, as it is BEAUTIFUL right now. two hours and I can fly down the highway with the windows open.

It's been a long time since I took a shower specifically because I was well-and-truly covered in dirt. my shoulder muscles are going to want to WHIP MY ASS in the morning. the top of my shoulders have red marks in them from the tree bark. I didn't get to kill a tree this time. But I got close. And I'm definitely able to chop with an axe, still. Whoop.

I love Bonfire season.

BONFIRE TIME MUTHAFUCKAAAAS.

it's tree-choppin' season. wahahaa.

(take that, trees.)

---

I'll be in CS tonight for whatever party that is happening, and then in the morning, bright and early right about sunrise, bam, Bonfire time.

have i mentioned that i fucking hate poison ivy?

(uma thurman is hot; not that one, the poison ivy that grows, apparently, in my backyard...)

*off to the clinic to get poison ivy meds...*

Chris LeDoux passed away. I wasn't really a massive fan of his until last year, when i heard he'd be coming to the Texas Hall of Fame (it's a dancehall) in College Station. I found some of his music, and enjoyed(and still do) the tar out of it. The concert was great... see this entry from January 25th, 2004 for my thoughts on it back then.

"he's the last to quit, and the first to buy the beer..."

Yesterday I went to a memorial service on campus for a friend of mine, James Todd Martin. Todd was a great guy... I didn['t know him very well, but i never heard a bad thing about him. He was killed in a car accident on Feb. 26th. He was very involved in Bonfire, was a Brown Pot (chainsaw crew, basically) and loved it. He had a girlfriend whol loved him, and many many good friends.

We'll miss you, Todd.

Bonfire was suitably underwhelming. I'm glad that 90% of the intent is building it, and burn is just to get it out of the freaking way. 90% of the fun i have had is at Cut and Stack. Burn, however, was... aggravating, due to rain, on a dirt/clay race bowl. Burn was slogging through the thickest, deepest mud/slop/shit/clay I've ever tried to walk through, ever. And the fire wouldn't hardly burn. (ooh, a double negative. eat me.) Started slowly, and eventually it burned. yay. We (me, Ali, kevin, and several of the rest of us) left right about the time that the outhouse burned up...

So tired i could barely move afterwards. went home, Ali, Daniel, and Keiko (daniel's girlfriend) spent the night in our living room. Good to talk to them again this morning when everyone woke up. Sat and talked for like 4 hours, and then went to eat. Fun times.

But the company was good. Ali (a friend of Daniel, a guy I met, coincidentally, at Bonfire burn last year) was pretty cool. Easy to talk to, all that. But she lives, like a whole crapload of people I have met lately, in south Houston. I need to get me a job in Houston. (since it'll pay well, and I'll have a lot of friends in the area.. good stuff.)

6 months, and i'm out.

---

And holy crap, Lewis Black makes me laugh...

SO the ealry mornign hours of November 18 2004 I went out to the Polo fieldsw, with Jimmy, my sophomore roommates, adn one of my best friends. One of his best friends from hihg school was killed int eh Bonfire Collapse, and another friend of ours was very good friends with the same guy. Two others that were Killed were also friends of George's. And I'd met two of those three shortly before the collapse.

I don't like being exasperated at this. I am. There is a short amount of time I can hear people talk about it before my meter for that is exhausted. I really have a hard time listening to some people talk about what they don't understand. And I fon't understand as well as I would like, since I didn't do much with Bonfire my freshman year, when the collapse happened. I was going to go out there that night, and I didn't. I'd had 3 tests that day, so I went home and crashed. And at 2:42 in the morning, we got a crew chief screaming (literally screaming, it was uncanny.) we knew almost instantly something was very very wrong.

And I'd never seen the Bonfire Stack, and it was really something. In that holy shit way. Amazing in size. And the magnitude of the disaster began to sink in. And then several of my best friends no longer had some of their best friends anymore.

And I'm conflicted. part of me knows the sheer magnitude of the project makes it dangerous, and I should be unwilling to do anythign that has a risk factor that high. I'm not one who wants to have peopole get hurt. IO'd much rather leave it be, on a certain level.

But the other side of me knows that Bonfire plays a giant role in cameraderie at this university, and I have, myself, seen how the Aggie Spirit and pride in the campus and all has declined since Bonfire is no longer on campus(for now, at least). And there are reasons for both opinions.

I was telling a friend last night, the times I feel most alive are after a massive physical effort, like picking up logs. I enjoy the muscle tightness, and the bruises, and the stiffness. Makes me realize I'm still able to do all that. And that's what I enjoy.. Doing all that around friends... YOu are one of hundreds of people who come to Bonfire to work, and you're all friends. everyone. regardless of which dorm you live in, or if you are in the Corps or not, or graduated or not, or whatever. All friends. and that is the essence of it. you become friends through hard work. And I love that.

Well, that and the smell of burning wood. But we just burn it to get it out of the way for next year... *grin*

---

The dedication of the Memorial was good. It was hard, and it always is. It's a somber, gut-wrenching time. Every year.
It was good to be there with friends. Jimmy adn George, and Andy...some of my very best friends. Guys that I've gone through inordinate amounts of shit with. And that carries you through...

---

It's been a weird couple of days. I'm going to rest now, I think.

Aggie Bonfire memorial was good.
Glad it's dedicated, and it was good to see some old friends, and reflect some.

---

Remember Bonfire '99....
We will never forget.

---

More later.

sheesh, it's cold outside. i'm going to head to Target in a minute to try to find a long-sleeve shirt to go under my grode shirt (definition of grode shirt: the clothes you wear to Bonfire, for the duration of the time, without washing 'em) for Bonfire stack tonight. My arms are gonna be cold, otherwise. Brr. I hate cold weather.

---

Blythe said I sounded all sad on the phone today. I think it was just me being tired and kinda groggy from waking up like ten minutes earlier. (still... we need to discuss this "going out but not looking like we are, even to me" situation. might be atrace of that in there, too.)

---

Okay, seriously, this 'me being tired' thing is ridiculous right now. I'm all groggy, and I just took a nap. wtf. yay Red Bull. *k-chk* -glug-glug-glug-
(Damn, they aren't too bad when they're kinda cold.) Red Bull're downright good when they're cold enough to make your skull hurt.

Oh yeah. And we watched the first 40 minutes or so of Boondock Saints yesterday, and now Blythe wants to borrow it and finish watching it. hahahahah. awesome.

---

(jesus, I can feel the currents of cold air convectioning their way around the room from my windows... this time of year part oif me hates living in a room with 8 windows....)

lately I hear that I seem to be very much in a posting mood, but not very much in a "what's going on ouside of dating" posting mood.

Thus... "random other stuff that's going on" post.

---

--Bonfire Stack is going well. My shoulders become more like they're cut out of wood as time goes on. Stretching out in the morning feels really good, lately.
--Going to the Bonfire Memorial dedication on the 18th. Definitely looking forward to that. Friends will be in town, and it's going to be an emotional thing. I'm glad the memorial's finally finished.
--Classes are going fine, I have a test in the morning, at 11:10. Cross your fingers for me? thanks.
--Finally getting started on that "100 greatest movies of all time" list, to watch the ones I haven't.
--Still enjoying the fact that the weather is warm, about half the time. Jeans are nice in the morning, though.
--Texas Tech in football this weekend... Beat The Hell Outta Tech! Midnight Yell, too. *whoop*
--after my test tomorrow, my week is pretty much clear. More Stack in my future, I see...


Going to bed, I need sleep...

i'll be damned. that went about as well as is possible.

details later, after i go stack logs. Fightin' Texas Aggie Bonfire, whoop!

---

and this song is oddly very appropriate.

I KILLED A TREE!!! yay. at my last Aggie Bonfire Cut of my undergraduate career. hahaah. awesome.
it was a good-size tree, too. that rules. brings my total to three for the year. but this one i killed was all me. the others were kinda half-me and half-someone-else. I love chopping on trees. I love all of it. (y'all've heard all this before, i know, i know...)

---

going to hang out with Andy in a bit, when he gets here. good stuff, haven't seen him in a while.

---

Halloween party tonight... I think i have a costume of sorts, assuming i can get the prop i need. And Blythe's coming with to the party. I wonder what she'll think of all the Cepheids...

---

and then tomorrow is Centerpole and studying. Yay!

so... went to cut trees on three hours of sleep. wow. that was...exhausting. we worked, hard, from about 7:45 am to about 4:15 this afternoon. made it back into College Station about 5. Talked to Blythe on the phone for a bit, and my old roommate Jimmy some, too.

Toiday I (and a bunch of other people) swung on the huge-ass tree we cut to represent FHK(the dorm I went to cut with) for a class set of swings (i'm class of 2003= class of '03... 03 plus 100 equals 103 swings; the others did their respective class year) and then I did about 35 more swings later in the day. and we carried a shitload of logs, and moved more brush than I have in a long long time. Rarr. Me big and strong... < /incredible-hulk>

went to study geography (since we have a test wednesday) with Blythe; ended up just sitting in Coffee Station and talking. not a lot of studying; i still fail to see how this geography material is difficult... the rest is still a weird situation, even thought we're friends. and no more, apparently. *eyeroll*

came home, and I'm about to go to bed. My left ear is finally back to normal, so i drove around listening to music, finally able to hear out of both ears again. great stuff, hearing in stereo. Songs like this one, with pitch bends and ethereal-type vocals.... I love it. Anyone have any good bands that they like with that type of music? thanks. (oh yeah... I have a bunch of Delerium, already. looking for obscure or not-so-well-known bands...)

---

very tired, and my back is going to hate me tomorrow. and shoulders and arms. ow. but i love being tired like this. yay visible accomplishment.

Good night, y'all.

so unmotivated lately. yay cutting trees this weekend.

Andy! if you want to go to cut, soon is the time to do it.

we're only cutting until the 31st. so this weekend and part of next, since it's only gonna be one day next week. then Stack starts. hahah...

god, I like that girl...

Bonfire Cut was fun. wow, my shoulders are going to suck tomorrow. I've got bruises in funny places, and I think i need a pre-emptive poison-oak/ivy/sumac shot, since there's no way to avoid that crap out at cut, not when people throw it in the brush fire, so all the smoke has it in it too...And carrying logs is easier when the prep work is done correctly. Stupid Moses Hall... we carried a bunch of logs today. and that's how come my shoulders will look like someone beat me with an axe handle tomorrow. but i enjoy being this kind of tired.

anyway...

not much else to report... going to pull tickets tomorrow for the Colorado game, i suppose. no idea who i'm going to the game with. No clue. eh.

Classes are... shoot, what is the deal with my classes? haven't thought about them at all, all weekend. weird. I'm very relaxed, i'll give it that.

ok, conceding defeat and going to bed...

I didn't post about returning the bonfire pot to David F_______ this past Saturday. Some friends of mine found a Bonfire pot (helmet) in a house they live in, a few weeks ago. the pot was from Schuhmacher, the dorm I lived in freshman year and still represent when I go to Bonfire Cut. Now, this was from 1996. how anyone hides ANYTHING in this town well enough to stay gone for 8 years is beyond me. Anyway, I found his address, through a friend (thank you, dsc1110) and wrote him a letter telling that I had it, and that I'd like to return it.

He came into College Station from Houston for the Kansas State game last weekend, and I took it to him. It seems that everyone had a great time living in Schuhmacher, basically for the fact that it was so.... low-end. It sucked so bad that you had to have a sense of humor about it, almost.

fun stuff. And the three beers I had before the game with them, (well, and the two bloody marys wehn i got back to the house) made the game entertaining, too.

And then we won the game. yay.

anyway... wanted to get that down before it slipped my mind...

I killed a tree today. and then pretty much killed another. We chopped on this tree in rotations, me taking about every third rotation out of five guys, so i think i plenty enough of the work... the guy before me made his last few chops, and as i walked up, it started to give, and so i chopped it until it hit the ground. We chopped the shit out of some trees today. I love this. my arms are going to hate me when i try to ride my bike to class in the morning. I've got blisters on my hands, and they're sore, and my triceps/biceps/shoulders are tense and feel like they're carved from wood. and fine-motor-control isn't happening. my fingers twitch when i try to use the mouse...

But I LOVE IT.

I always feel as if I accomplish something when we do that. the "moving a tangible big-honking-log-by-hand" thing... I'm motivated by physical progress. And this "tired" is so much better than the "tired-just-since-it-was-a-long-day-of-mundane-crap tired". I love muscle tiredness from working outside.

---

going to study in a bit, test Friday. blah. Then going home and all that. Then concerts. yay.

*stretch* Aahh....

EDIT: and now it's raining like crazy. gah... i wanna sit and watch the rain instead of study...

Football game was good. WE WON. Reggie McNeal is nerve-wracking as a quarterback. but we won, 41-30. Gig 'em, Aggies!

Adrienne didn't go want to go to Yell last night; something came up with her classes and she was in a bad mood. Thus, I didn't go to yell either. This getting-stood-up-in-person-for-previous-plans shit has got to go; it's getting really old.

---

Bonfire cut was canceled this (saturday) morning, since it was raining like nuts. I'm insane, since i'm going to try to go tomorrow (Sunday, three hours from now at roughly 6AM) and go cut trees for 6 hours. aaaaaaa.

---

And Blythe should be back in town tomorrow. whoop. *smile*

---

my ticket to K's Choice is in Temple, waiting for me to pick it up. I'm going to go home this coming weekend and go get it. It'll be good to go home... going to a gun show with Daddy and that'll be fun. I like going home. amybe i'll actually get to shoot a little while i'm home. Haven't shot in a long time. hehehe.

AND-I-GET-TO-SEE-K'S-CHOICE-IN-EIGHT-DAYS. hahahahhahahahahahahah. awesome. hahaha.... I've waited like... eight years for them to come close enough I could go. Like, in this hemisphere. And I get to go in 8 days. I'm a bit twitchily excited...

and then in nine days --yeah, the day after K's Choice-- I go to Vienna Teng with Adrienne and her mom. yes, I know, meeting her one of her parents. I'm starting to get confused on the "females" situation, myself...

---

gah. sleep.

I think what I enjoy so much about chopping trees is that it takes so much effort. The sheer physical force required to chop up a tree made of wet wood that doesn't want to fall over, perhaps, is what I like. The sweet smell of the liquid in a tree. The smoke from the brush fires. The people who enjoy this, too. The girls who, for a brief time, don't really care what they look like (and they're still pretty...).

I like the muscle ache, and the bruise I have on my right arm and both shoulders from carrying the freaking heavy logs. I like the fact that certain things make my arm go "uff. lift with the other arm, genius." I like the fact that life is easier when you get stronger. And your shoulders and arms feel like they're cut out of wood.

I think that it's almost too bad that manual jobs don't pay enough for me to live like I want. I'm being schooled to become an engineer, where I can use my brain and not my back to earn my living. But sometimes, I think i'd like to use my back.

Well... we always have land that needs brush and stuff cleared out...

so... Chopping trees was great. I love being in the woods. I live for this kind of thing. My shoulders are tired, i've got weird muscles popping up... and I have a purple speckled bruise patch on my shoulder from carrying logs on it.

And I can't freaking wait to go back out next weekend.

I have to actually make another Bonfire pot (pot=helmet) for this year, and do all the lettering and symbols right. I kinda made some mistakes on the one i made last year.

And there are other people who wanna come cut trees, too. Unlike Fight Club, you do indeed talk about Bonfire. Awesome. I love this stuff.

And yeah, my neck's getting redder.

--Seeing my old friends again
--meeting new ones
--calluses on my hands
--noticing muscles in my arms that don't get used except to chop with an axe
--working, for real, for the first time in months

all good things that happen at Bonfire. Cut started today. I love it.

---

Football game later, BTHO Clemson! A! Whoop!

there are times in my life that I absolutely despise waiting. waiting on ANYTHING. and this i think is one of them. patience, patience, I know. I want to find something that is a catalyst. for what, I'm not sure. I feel like I am drifting, yet I have things to do, stuff to occupy my time is easy to find. I want to hit that one big step that takes some effort to surmount. I want to... do something useful once. I've been in 'school mode' so long that I have no idea what comes next, and I'm not sure that the completion of school will be what I am looking for, either.

Bonfire begins again in about a week and a half. that will give me something with which I can occupy my time. I like that. physical exertion is my thing. No money in it, but I enjoy it. there is a reason that my dad and I dug cactus at our farm on weekends. (well, partially it was to get rid of the cactus, but...) my dad enjoys the same type of thing. He's a banker, but he spends time "off" at the farm (not lately, but lots in the past) cleaning up trees and digging cactus. I liek that stuff, too. It's great to be able to look at a stand of trees and the pile of shit-brush you just cleared out of it, and see quantitatively what you did. I enjoy the feeling that comes from your body telling you you just worked like a madman. That's cool too.

And you sleep like the dead. best sleep of your life, if you work enough in the sun to drink 3 gallons of water. *smile* I really miss that, too. I really do. but i get that back in a week and a half.

hehehe. maybe I really am a redneck. </understatement>

hahah. It's almost like this happens on purpose, but i swear i don't mean to find girls with accents. met a girl tonight... cute, and she just so happens to have a texas accent. it's kinda slight, but cute nonetheless...we're going to go do soemthing later in the week.

but she's graduating a semester early. In December. hmmm. i seem to also have that happen on purpose.

---

anyway... party with bonfire people was good, partly from what i said in the top part. can't wait to go chop down some trees again. I love having calluses on my hands for the fall. I love not being able to pick up my pen because my hands are purple from the axe. I love the sound of a sharp axe hitting solidly into a tree. I love the sound of people yelling "HEADACHE!" as the tree cracks and falls. I love not giving a care what i look like, and that everyone else that is family for three months doesn't care either. I love smelling "like bonfire".

Once again...excited and can't wait.

---

and meeting new people is good too. glad everyone's coming back.

Bonfire was AWESOME.
--Lit at 9:45 pm, 11-22-03
--Lasted past midnight before it twisted in on itself, that means we'll win the game against t.u.
--Centerpole gave way at 3:13 am, I heard.

i was so tired i could honestly barely stand, but it was awesome.

Seeing the flames lick the sides of the logs,
and wearing my grodes,
and hearing the "whoop!"s,
and screaming so hard my body shook,
and hearing the stories,
and doing the yell practice(s),
and feeling the heat on my face,
and smelling the smoke,
and seeing the embers rushing downwind,
and walking some of the laps, (2 sets of '03 laps, as it worked out)
and staring at the fire
and watching the embers collapse into the pile
and meeting people I have never met before
and being brought together with thousands of other Aggies in the middle of the night
and carrying the axe handle i will bring to the rest of my Bonfires,
and being there with hundreds of friends,
and thousands of people I don't know,
and my best friend

Was the coolest thing I've experienced in a very long time.


I left Bonfire at 12:30 am that night, and went home to sleep. I loved it. I will be there next year. I hope next year I balance grades and Bonfire a bit better. I will build it next year.

And I hope you can be there.

In the past few months, I have:

--developed a pretty-damn-decent axe swing.

--groded (think football, but with poles as the objective, and the people come try to take them, and you try to take theirs. kinda like rugby, with no movable object.) a bunch of people, including a dude who ran into my chest at 10 miles an hour, and then he just kinda sat there for about 15 minutes. I win.

--developed more than a couple crushes on some tomboy-type girls. High-maintenance girls piss me off. I think girls who aren't afraid to get messy... yeah, that's sexy.

--Killed two trees.

--learned how to wire Logs into Bonfire stack. this was a personal goal, since that means I can do it NEXT YEAR. Whoop!!

--Tried, I think, every iteration of tobacco that is humanly invented. I like Cigars. I like Chew. I don't mind cigarettes. Sniff-snuff is WEIRD (but it works. you tap out a bit, and sniff it up your nose. HEADRUSH).

--God, my redneck rating is through the roof now. If any of y'all didn't believe that before...

---skipped a bunch of class, flunked a couple of tests, and... Loved the shit out of all of it.

Like my profile says,

Aggie Bonfire is the greatest tradition ever. Ever.

Anyone who can make it out there, you should come out. go to http://www.studentbonfire.com and look for the map. Anyone in central Texas, you can make it, and you ought to come. It will be great, I tell you. And I'm proud of it.


WHOOP!

Public Service announcement:

WD-40 removes tree Sap from the human body.

yeah... came home covered in pine sap, from the support poles at bonfire. blech. WD-40 is beautiful shit.

A girl from Hobby dorm and I are going to cut a Hobby-Schuhmacher Dorm Log (a log cut by a specific dorm, with the name of the dorm(s) carved in it, to go in the stack) on Wednesday. A! Whoop! She (Tiffany, '07) and I (John, '03) are basically the only people representing our respective dorms, so we'll keep the tradition going in our own little way. I think I may go buy an axe later, since I think we may kill an axe doing that. And then I'd have an axe handle, from Bonfire. whoop!

So that gives me crap to do for the rest of the week.

O yeah. I have a hard-ass Engineering Econ Test Monday. Suck. wish me luck. I'll be studying like a mofo the rest of the weekend. probably not cutting/stacking tomorrow. eh.

later, yo.

so. today at Bonfire ...

Trees killed: 2 (yeeeeeeahhhhh!)(A! whoop!)
blisters: 3-4... not counting feet.
bruises: shoulders, hands, arms, hell, everywhere.

I have about zero grip strength, and my hands freaking HURT. Tired. buyt my arms feel good, in that "o yeah, adrenaline is good" kinda way.

and I'm going out again in 13.5 hours

whew. night, yo.

I may get a "job" cutting trees and splitting wood and drinking beer for the summer. God, my parents would be pissed. I'd be in great shape at the end of the summer. I'd get to spend it doing something I love doing... manual work, outside, surrounded by oak trees. God..... goosebumps just thinking about that... Why did I major in engineering? Can you tell I don't like office jobs?

That aside......

went to see Christina at work yesterday as she was closing the store, after loading a shitload of wood in and out of trucks, and helping Seth split wood (with a log-splitter, we're not that nuts) and drink beer for an hour or two. just left because she was getting off work. would have stayed two more hours.

and I walked in the door of her work, and from 10 feet away, she says, "you smell like Bonfire."

And I laughed. hard. I love that. grubby as shit, tired, bruised like someone beat me, in the dark, loading wood onto a truck, and I smell like wood, and sweat, and cigarettes, and chew, and dirt.

And I wouldn't take anything in the world for this.

I love being a redneck. LOVE it.