SO the ealry mornign hours of November 18 2004 I went out to the Polo fieldsw, with Jimmy, my sophomore roommates, adn one of my best friends. One of his best friends from hihg school was killed int eh Bonfire Collapse, and another friend of ours was very good friends with the same guy. Two others that were Killed were also friends of George's. And I'd met two of those three shortly before the collapse.

I don't like being exasperated at this. I am. There is a short amount of time I can hear people talk about it before my meter for that is exhausted. I really have a hard time listening to some people talk about what they don't understand. And I fon't understand as well as I would like, since I didn't do much with Bonfire my freshman year, when the collapse happened. I was going to go out there that night, and I didn't. I'd had 3 tests that day, so I went home and crashed. And at 2:42 in the morning, we got a crew chief screaming (literally screaming, it was uncanny.) we knew almost instantly something was very very wrong.

And I'd never seen the Bonfire Stack, and it was really something. In that holy shit way. Amazing in size. And the magnitude of the disaster began to sink in. And then several of my best friends no longer had some of their best friends anymore.

And I'm conflicted. part of me knows the sheer magnitude of the project makes it dangerous, and I should be unwilling to do anythign that has a risk factor that high. I'm not one who wants to have peopole get hurt. IO'd much rather leave it be, on a certain level.

But the other side of me knows that Bonfire plays a giant role in cameraderie at this university, and I have, myself, seen how the Aggie Spirit and pride in the campus and all has declined since Bonfire is no longer on campus(for now, at least). And there are reasons for both opinions.

I was telling a friend last night, the times I feel most alive are after a massive physical effort, like picking up logs. I enjoy the muscle tightness, and the bruises, and the stiffness. Makes me realize I'm still able to do all that. And that's what I enjoy.. Doing all that around friends... YOu are one of hundreds of people who come to Bonfire to work, and you're all friends. everyone. regardless of which dorm you live in, or if you are in the Corps or not, or graduated or not, or whatever. All friends. and that is the essence of it. you become friends through hard work. And I love that.

Well, that and the smell of burning wood. But we just burn it to get it out of the way for next year... *grin*

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The dedication of the Memorial was good. It was hard, and it always is. It's a somber, gut-wrenching time. Every year.
It was good to be there with friends. Jimmy adn George, and Andy...some of my very best friends. Guys that I've gone through inordinate amounts of shit with. And that carries you through...

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It's been a weird couple of days. I'm going to rest now, I think.